6.19.2013

This week I begin a new chapter of my life. It's been an adventure the last four years and I've no doubt that the next few will be even more of an adventure. I've learned and grown so much in so many different ways - sometimes that means I know more and sometimes that means that I realize I know less than I thought I did. I'm a different person now than I was four years ago when I was a little pre-freshman, scared to leave everything I've ever known at home. I do believe I've learned something about biology and science since then, and I managed to step out of my commencement ceremony with a job in the UCSD School of Medicine Department of Reproductive Medicine while I'm waitlisted for Loma Linda University School of Medicine Class of 2017. How did this happen? All I did was love my life and my Lord. Proverbs 31:25 puts it nicely:

She can laugh at the days to come. 

I've come face to face with parts of myself, others, and the world that I frankly hate and I have come to the conclusion that life in this world is broken beyond repair, but the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is still somehow (I don't know how!) big enough to convince me that our God is GOOD, and I'm willing to die for that truth. And oh dear God there's a million things about myself that I would fix or even understand if I could, but I'm just so inscrutable to myself sometimes. Props to Neilson for chipping away at the block of wood that is me for so many years, trying to find whatever salvageable treasure might be inside but haha! I'm pretty sure it's impossible to find anything understandable in there, unless your name is God. There's only DNA and other types of code unreadable to the human mind, but I guess it is kind of fun to try to untangle that, huh? Thanks for four years of adventures, looking forward to many more with you.

Anyway, in the meantime I'll be working on figuring out exactly how males and females are sexually dimorphic in their brains and generally doing my part to keep the world spinning. One day I plan on getting out of mundane middle class life to save the world of TB, HIV, and cancer, but until then, I'm here!

3.26.2013

I'm starting a journey to know myself. I tend to focus on outside things in my life, and I don't pay much attention to what's going on inside myself. I'm starting to find I have a lot going on inside that I can't explain, either to myself or to others. And a lot that I don't want to explain. I also tend to live almost entirely in the present, and there seem to be some gaping holes in my memory. Like I don't know where I came from. I suspect the answer to the first question lies in the second. So I'm determined to find out who I am by understanding where I came from with the help of every written record of my past that I can possibly dig up. I'm scared of what I will find, but I need to know. Christ is my anchor and I will not get lost.

6.21.2012

I'm writing my statement of purpose for my med school app, and I just heard an ice cream truck go by! Do you remember the days of ice cream trucks??? (Doesn't the concept of playing music to let the neighborhood know that you're selling stuff on the block seem so foreign?) This one drives by my new house every day haha. I'm living in the past as I unpack and unearth crafts I made in elementary school, and stories I wrote in middle school as I move my digital files to a new laptop, but I'm living in the future as I try to articulate to these medical schools how absolutely in love I am with physiology and the human race, and dream of getting into med school and becoming a doctor and how that's gonna interfere with getting married and having kids, I mean gosh, how does anyone manage to have a full-time job AND kids? ......................................Where does the time go?
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So we do not fix our eyes on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

3.29.2012

Being around old people (i.e. my family) and memories from my childhood dug up during this dissection of my house makes me feel like my life is about to begin. People joke that 21 is old, but seriously, I feel like the first 20 years of my life was just the process that helped to form me as I am today. Now I'm here and my life is finally starting. That's how I feel. 

3.26.2012

We're moving = going through old stuff = walk down memory lane.

Me and my sister found her old diary from when she was in third grade or so (that she doesn't even remember writing in) and it was the most hilarious thing ever. I laughed till I cried. She won't mind if I post one entry up:

Dear diary,
You wouldn't believe what happened! My sister stole my breakfast, okay, not stole, but took my breakfast and made me eat yogurt. So I went inside and counted my money. I had $5.36.

I also went through my old stuff, kinda... from "lol cute," to "This is so random, what was I thinking," to "Wow this is embarrassing," to "ugh those days, don't remind me."

Saw names of and notes from and pictures of people I don't talk to anymore... also some of people I still do talk to and boy I forgot how far back we go. I've been friends with Jennifer LQ for over a decade now and we can still talk like nothing's changed <3. Also found notes containing inside jokes that I don't understand anymore. Kevin, please remind me what a CCS person is... o.o.

Anyhow. fun stuff.

1.31.2012

I'm becoming one of those nerds who turn their houses into laboratories, and boy this is so exciting. I have my nice mold samples growing on a medium of rotting tomato, and i'm subjecting them to various chemicals, bwahaha. My most recent breakthrough was getting mold to grow on a burger king hamburger, which some people told me was not likely, but ha! now you know bk is real food. heheheheh talk about wannabe scientist. I love my job.

12.16.2011

I am so dang excited for my academic and professional future. It's biology and medicine from now on, baby, woohoo. I'm writing a statement of purpose (essay basically) for this public health internship thing that I'm 80% sure I''m going to apply for, for this summer, and boy I inspire myself when I articulate my excitement for medicine and my reasons for it. I think I might actually like writing personal statements for med school, bwahaha, and you thought liking ochem and physics was weird. (Did you notice that I'm writing the essay even though I'm only 80% sure I'm going to apply?) I'm excited beyond words to see where God's going to take me here. He has equipped me abundantly for this, and I plan on making the most of it. One day, blind people are going to see, deaf people are going to hear, and lame people are going to walk once again. The Savior is still alive.