if jesus isnt God or God didnt exist or something else similar, i have built my life on nothing, on a lie. i can literally feel my blood pressure going up right now as i consider that. that just makes me so nervous. i think i would die. i think i would go crazy. i think i would feel like some vital part of me was ripped out. and some vital part of me would have been ripped out.
but then a part of me, i think, would automatically beg God to help me through this collapse of my world.
does that even make sense?
he's apparently so firmed ingrained in my very being that i cannot let go of his existence, no matter what doubts come.
or am i mistaken?
what if i imagined it all. all the experiences i thought i had with him. what if all the times he showed up in real life was just coincidences.
scary as hell. literally. i think i just felt my pupils dilate.
but what if it was all true, and my life is built on truth? how preposterous it would be of me to be thinking this. how tragic it would be for anyone who denied that the truth was true.
this question is of infinite consequence.
if God didnt exist, theres no use to me thinking this. doesnt matter what i believe, it wont make a difference.
if God did exist, literally everything hangs in the balance of whether or not i choose to believe. if he exists and i think he doesnt, i should just go die now. but if he exists and i believe in him, i have everything.
oh what the heck. God obviously exists and i obviously believe it so. you cant deny that someone had to write that dna in order for a complex organism to function, just like you cant deny that someone had to write the code in order for your complex computer to function. what am i thinking.
what a pointless rant.