so i just realized that my first quarter of college is over. i must do a reflection.
- overall rating: 10/10 :] very happy at ucsd.
- best thing: living next door to friends. or in the same room as. superconvenient for when you need help during studying, need a study break, want to go grab food, are out of milk etc, or are bored.
- worst thing: lack of real chinese food.
- thing i miss most: real chinese food. friends from home. cocoa.
- academic difficulty: less busy work, but more brainpower. big improvement from high school, including noticeable acne decrease from less stress lol. class content goes deeper and moves faster, but not overwhelmingly so. effort required when trying to retain massive amounts of info the night before the midterm. i have learned that seriously studying and then mentally preparing yourself to fail is the best safeguard against getting stressed about grades while still keeping them up.
- social scene: so my suite is actually rather partyish but i am grateful for my roommate, nancy, one suitemate, lylan, and a floormate, neilson. i still get along with the rest of them, tho. they're really nice people and i dont judge them. hm i hang out with iv people a lot even tho i'm not in iv. made some good friends there, but i only wish revelle sophomores didnt live on the other side of campus. i pretty much don't know any of the other girl suites on my floor. i sort of know the 505-510 guy suite, but they scare me a bit because ... basically i learned from them that (many) guys are gross. gosh, they had porn on their suite wall. the last week of school i began getting to know the other guy suite, and they're so much cooler than the other one, sorry. my ra is def very cool, tho sometimes i admit i run and hide when she comes cuz she tries so hard to get us to go to events. also made many random acquaintainces while fellowship/church hopping. also got reconnected with several childhood friends, who would have guessed?
- living conditions: not as bad as expected. two shower stalls, two toilets, and three sinks is enough for 13 girls. i wish the wall between the showers was something more opaque than fuzzy glass, but it's not too bad cuz most people don't go in while there's someone else inside. living on the fifth floor with a slow elevator helps keep off the freshman 15. our double room is actually quite large and i feel like it's larger than many triples on campus. i wish the vacuum cleaners in reslife worked. love my awesome view of revelle plaza. love the sun on my blinds in the morning and how well lit it is most of the day in the room.
- fellowship/church hopping: chaotic and tiring the first two weeks. saw et everywhere i visited. loved iv small groups, but found large group a little too mainstream. but still, large group is also pretty cool. also liked aacf people cuz theyre awesomely crazy but found their large group meetings somewhat lacking in focus. was about to settle on iv, but neilson told me how cool little spark was so i figured i'd check it out and LOVED their mission statement. so i stuck to it and its affliated church, harbor. secret fear: that it's full of cliques and unserious people where the mission statement remains simply a statement. also wish it was a little less conservative. love my small group leaders.
- most life-changing moment: ".................are you SERIOUS, God???" you know. i went in with an eye on secondary education and am now premed.
- changes in me: musical tastes changed a bit. more mainstream than before. developed a taste for a stronger beat and louder music in my ears that blocks out everything. sounds so good. i'm gonna go deaf soon if i don't try to control the volume in my headphones. luckily i do because i would rather not be the next beethoven. as bryan likes to point out, my tastes more feminine, sure. i pay a little more attention to what a wear. well, half the time. i also feel about 20 times more proud and judgmental than i thought i was when i flew down to sd, but internal states are hard to accurately evaluate from inside so i will not attempt here. also less shy/insecure about singing in front of people. but somehow that confidence goes away at home, haha. also basically relearned guitar (thank you neilson).
- food: food at plaza sure looks good, but it tastes somewhat less than it should. all the more incentive to walk farther to ovt and keep off the freshman 15 some more. actually plaza is pretty decent sometimes.
- homesickness: far less than expected, but not absent either.
- weather: awesome. mild, rare rain, a little chilly at night in december. marine layer fog sometimes. not hot either, except the first week.
- spirituality: much more stimulating than in high school. much more serious. less people going to fellowship just to hang out. better organized in general, less burnout feeling in general. better focus. for me personally, devos got a little off due to lack of daily structure, which affected my closeness to God. first weeks on fire for God. the feeling went away later but the commitment that everything is for him didn't, at least not as much. a little distracted from my purpose as classes picked up, so i made a postit note on my mirror to remind myself to do something meaningful everyday, to not just pass the days one by one only in fun and studying. the flu during week 10 was not good for me as i couldnt go to church or fellowship or anything and i lacked motivation to get up and do my devos and i was too tired and sleepy to really pray much. but going to church the week after was so refreshing.
- living habits: VERY DISCIPLINED. i am relatively a morning person. wake up soon after 7 on weekdays, 9 or earlier on weekends. bed by 11:30-12 most days. i still have yet to go to a dining hall for my breakfast, but i do eat it... whatever i have in my room. lunch between 11 and 2 typically, depending on the day. dinner anywhere from 5 to 8, depending on when we get hungry. i try not to eat snacks to make sure i eat at mealtimes. apparently my ultradisciplinedness transfers to nancy just because we live in the same room lol.
- resolutions for next quarter: take studying a little more seriously. i am, after all, trying to get into med school. do something meaningful each day. do my devos every day.
- favorite class: it would have to be math. ethnic studies was like writing with my left hand, chem was tons of new stuff really fast, but somehow i feel like i wont retain much from that class. i still dont get lennard-jones potential. psych was disappointing because we only covered half the interesting stuff we were supposed to. math now, was easy sometimes because i've learned a lot (most?) of the stuff from mr stark (thank you), but challenging sometimes as i tried to figure out 3d stuff and the significance of doing what i was doing. i went to 55% of my math sections.
- least favorite class: ethnic studies.
- biggest regret: allowing too many days to pass emptily and purposelessly.
- music: i am not in revelle by accident. God knew that revelle is the only college with private piano rooms, the site of many worship/prayer sessions for me this past quarter and, i promise, the next two quarters. 1. i can literally pray through my music. play my feelings out to God. 2. i can use my music like incense, to carry my prayers up to God as i pray out loud. 3. i can worship the conventional way, singing songs and letting the lyrics be my prayers. i have finally come to the point where i dont care what i sound like anymore when i worship. sometimes at least. AND next year when i move to matthews, God knew that i would have the conrad music center with superawesome real legit pianos in private rooms down the street. sweet.
- the beach: SUPERsoft sand compared to in santa cruz. feels so good to mash your toes around in it. touching the ocean makes me so happy, i dont know why i didnt go to the beach more. the cliffs are pretty cool for watching the sunset, which is usually beautiful. you dont really get a legit sunset in cupertino because of the foothills in the west.
- the city: ok, admittedly i dont really like downtown, but the suburbs are very similar to cupertino. theres this one street that looks just like mcclellan, past mv. anyway. lacking in good chinese food/grocery places (except ranch 99 which i havent gone to yet). taking the bus still scares me so i rarely go offcampus except with friends who drive. which is often enough.
ok that was long and took me about two hours. haha. good night. and have a very merry CHRISTmas.
itunes: you raise me up (josh groban)