1.30.2010

i will fear no evil/for my God is with me/ and if my God is with me/whom then shall i fear/whom then shall i fear? 

for i have been crucified with christ, and i no longer live, but christ lives in me.

for whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.


dying to self suddenly takes on a  new meaning. i am going to bravely commit social suicide now because i'm dead already. it's in those times when God calls me to something that i don't want to do because i fear what others will think and what they will do to me, that God calls me to crucify myself, forget about myself, say "here goes nothing," and throw my life away for his sake. that's the only way i'll ever be able to obey him when he calls me to do those hard things. and i am not talking about doing something that will simply cause my neighbor to look at me funny for a day. or a week. or years. no, much riskier. like professor edwards said (he said something right for once), God is high risk and high profit. i am going to be a riskier person. i am going to cause conflict. i am going to cause gross misunderstandings. i am going to destroy relationships and preconceptions. but after the dust settles, hopefully everything will be made new and one more person will be won for the kingdom of God. here goes nothing.

1.28.2010

so it's been busy. essay cramming earlier this week. I WROTE A COMPLETE ESSAY IN TWO DAYS. is that normal? i have no idea. too many people stayed up all night doing this, i dont get why. on the one hand i'm glad im not them, on the other hand, i feel really bad for them, and on the third hand, just being around them makes me feel like i pulled an allnighter myself.

so God showed me something that has me scared to death because i need to tell my dad something that will make him mad and a little nervous because ... of the content of the message. any prayers you can spare are greatly appreciated thanks. basically, telling him that God has bad news for him is like freaking scary. 1) the God part. 2) the bad news part. how the heck am i going to do this. oh and the bad news part might affect each one of you too. so pray hard that he'll listen.

also i'm superpraying for dean. and snow retreat.

also, i'm cramming chem. this guy is talking about free energy as a 4 variable function and using the partial derivatives to find the equilibrium constant of an acid/base solution. THERE YOU GO, 5 TERMS THAT DO NOT BELONG TOGETHER IN THE SAME SENTENCE. amazingly i just understood what i just said, sort of. yesterday i had a lapse while trying to read my textbook and i almost wanted to drop the honors series because i dont get what he's talking about. but no, i was falling asleep and not thinking straight. it's very fun to derive equations and graph 3d functions in chem class.

1.25.2010

yesterday = cool. there was this interfellowship praise/prayer night. jk it was more of an interfellowship large group meeting with a theme on prayer. the speaker = awesome. he knows God. he said God used to wake him up every morning at 5 to pray, and he would pray for all sorts of things that spirit put on his heart, only to find out later that something happened because of his prayer, which did not come for no reason. for example he would pray for a person that God put on his heart only to find out that they had been in a car accident the night before. or strange things like that. or he would pray for his flight that day because God revealed something wrong with the plane only to have one engine burst into flames after hours of delay in boarding later the same day. very interesting. anyway. very Godsome. so i decided to set my alarm for 6am this morning, partly because i really need to work on my hum essay (yess i just wrote the intro) and partly because i wanted to follow this guy's example. funny, cuz i went to bed pretty late (for me) and when i dont get enough sleep i dont dream. well i was dreaming when my alarm went off 6 hours later. not only, but i was partly awake already, the state where you drift in and out. hm, well i had asked that if God wanted me to pray, he would wake me up before my alarm. and not only, but i was dreaming that for some reason my friend said to me "let's pray." and THEN my alarm went off the very next second. hm interesting. so i ended up praying for 45 min in bed. and then i got up and watched the sun rise (the same sun that i had watched set the day before!) and here i am pretending to do my essay. i have 145 words.

i believe in God. i realized a new facet of that word this past week. i believe in him. meaning i believe what he says even though he says some pretty weird things. if only you knew the strange things he told me. i trust what he says. i view life differently because i believe what he says. i view life differently because i believe in him.


mental playlist: the lost get found (brit nicole)

1.22.2010

here i am trying to tell the complicated story of why i want to be a doctor of sorts in my JAPANESE essay. a foreign language class is not typically the place to explicitly bear witness about what God's done in your life. i have no idea how this is going to work. the sensei probably is not used to people talking about such things in her class. but the essay prompt asks the question so precisely that there's no way i can get away from the fact that it was GOD who called me to the profession i am aspiring to. good luck to me. this might come out strange because i'm limited in how well i can talk about abstract things in japanese, but we'll try.


mental playlist: remember me (mark schultz)
i'm back on facebook because i died. this is how i died at 11something pm on day 9. i had  just gotten into bed when people outside began screaming. that's not unusual, but it was especially commotional and it was 11something pm. so i got up to look, and apparently it was hailing. just about the whole floor was out being amazed by the weather and i wasnt protected cuz i just got out of bed, so i was careful to watch for jeannette, whom i knew was targetting me, and sandra, whom i knew was targetting jeannette, in case jeanneatte had died and i didnt know it. what i didnt know was that there are two sandras on the floor and i knew the wrong one. so it was really dumb, but this girl came up and hugged my suitemate who was standing next to me and made a motion as if to hug me too. except she killed me. IS THAT THE STUPIDEST WAY TO DIE OR WHAT, CUZ OF THE WEATHER.

anyway. i walked into the stairwell after class today and it wasnt raining, but then when i came out on the 5th floor, it was pouring.

and ucsd needs a better drainage system. you cant even avoid puddles when it rains hard cuz the entire ground becomes a puddle/river. better known as flooding. i have discovered how convenient flipflops are when it rains.


mental playlist: let it go (tenth avenue north) - i was getting stressed last night cuz i have a japanese essay and hum essay due next week on top of regular readings, but then for some reason when i woke up i had this song in my head. the chorus goes "you said let it go/you said let it go/you said life is waiting for the ones who lose control/you said you will be/everything i need/you said if i lose my life its then i'll find my soul." it was a good reminder to let go of school work.

1.18.2010

retreat was awesome. it was only 30 people from ls, which is a huge change from afc sr, which pushes 150. for afc, we take up the entire campsite, which takes like 5 min to walk across, lodge to farthest cabin. i think. ok for winter retreat here, we shared the campsite with two other groups and the site was small enough to look across. btw, ben park from vc and now ucla was there with his church, which was the randomest thing ever. anyway.
1) they do something called one to ones, which is basically you have one person you eat with every meal time. the person changes, but you really get to know a few people pretty well that way. i recommend this to afc snow retreat.
2) the theme was the body of christ. there was a small group question once. how would you rank ls in terms of unity? most people ranked it pretty low. small as it is, we realize we're not as united as we should/could be. so we all realized this problem of ours.
3) the last night, we had something called body life, which is like open mic at afc sr, but the focus is on encouraging one another and being a body, and since we have so few people, we arranged everyone in a two layered square facing each other. that was awesome. we encouraged each other, rejoiced together, cried together, prayed for each other, and worshipped together. that was def one of the best fellowship experiences i have ever had in a group larger than 2. we realized we had a unity problem, and so we worked to fix it. and for one sheltered retreat night, it was fixed. hopefully itll stay fixed. anyway, i didnt get into much detail here, but if you ask me i will probably talk more. because of that night i know that  i did not make a mistake in choosing ls. i am so thankful.

i have disturbingly also been receiving more of what you might call prophetic messages than i care to receive. i used to pray that God wouldnt give  me the gift of prophecy because so many people are suspicious of it and i feel like i might ... well, be persecuted by my own brothers and sisters if i had it. i would like to think that hearing God tell me strange things is a special event that is happening only now for some reason, but it happens so much i'm not so sure. also, telling people stuff about them you really shouldnt have any right to know is pretty awkward and scary. ok, telling good news is easy. but confronting secret sin is not. i will stop there to protect the privacy of people. and in case you're wondering, ls/harbor is pretty conservative and they dont do anything near charismatic so i'm not imagining things because everyone else is doing it. i would like to hear everything God has to say about me, but not what he has to say about others. i dont want to be messenger. but then, the bible says you should use your spiritual gifts for the common good. like pastor eddie said, using your spiritual gifts only to benefit yourself is lame. "oh i have a cut. *heal* oh my tummy hurts. *heal*" lame. BUT REALLY REALLY REALLY ITS HARDER THAN IT SOUNDS when half the church doesnt accept them as legitly from the holy spirit and they think you're demon  possessed for healing people  or something (gasp, just like they did with jesus when he healed people). forever an obstacle for me. i dont know how to use my spiritual gifts for the common good because they're not widely accepted practices in the local churches i attend.

anyway enough ranting. i love ls.

1.15.2010

assassins day 5: not much happened all day. didnt try to do much. but i did wear angie's boxers with nancy's tights lol. good thing cuz my killer is in my hum section, i am 90% sure. that is, nothing much happened until just now. i was doing japanese or something and the spirit of God called me in such an irresistible manner. i had to stop and heed his call. and he told me many things, including some very strange things that i wasnt sure was really him. i really thought i was making it up. i thought i was coming up with what i wanted to hear and putting it in the mouth of God. i thought i'd just had too much tea and was sleepy and dreaming. but in case it really was him, i didnt want to write it off. so i said, can i ask for a sign, God? he said sure. i said ok, this is going to break up all my illusions of God talking to me and make me realize i was just dreaming. i said, God, the next time i go outside, let me meet lauren and kill her. this was highly unlikely as i heard she's not around very much and what are the chances of both of us walking through the hall at the same time, right? how trivial of a thing, but why not. so i braced myself for my "revelation" to be shattered, and i prayed and worshipped some more because the spirit of God was on me in such a powerful manner. irresistible is the word. if i went out right then, i dont think i coulda functioned enough to recognize people and talk to them. and then God showed me that lylan would be supporting me as i killed lauren. i was like oh what bs, cuz i thought i was dreaming again. and then lylan really came in my door. well that gave me a little jolt, and a little faith that i really would meet lauren as i walked out, and everything i heard was truly from God. so i stood up and announced i was going out to kill lauren. nancy and lylan looked at me like i was crazy. do you have a plan? no. what are you gonna do? i dunno. ... but by that point i had complete faith that i really would see her. it must have seemed very dubious when i walked out. so i walked around the floor. stopped by the poster to read updated stories. heard the elevator ding at some lower floor and knew it was coming up. moved on to the next poster advertising a bonfire on jan 22 that i realized i might not be able to go to. heard the elevator ding again on this floor so i turned around and expected lauren to come out. and lauren really did come out. and i killed her. so that is how i killed my 5th target, which serves as a sign that that really was the spirit of God speaking to me and not the spirit of elena speaking to me. lauren gave me many tips about where to find my next target next week (cuz the game is on pause during the weekend). not only tips, but plans and backup plans as well. yay lauren. :] so i walked back into my room/suite and showed the incredulous nancy and lylan my new target slip. nancy asked how it happened, but i was too scared to say it was God.

anyway. the point of that story was  more to point toward God than to celebrate my 5th target. i still feel the residue of his presence making my fingers tingle and my heart warm. and boy, he's never spoken to me like he spoke to me tonight. it was so tangible, almost like speaking to a real person, except he didnt speak with words. and i didnt even seek him. and i am completely thoroughly in awe of him, of the things he told me about the future (dont ask; i wont say. it was a prophecy for me only), and the things he told me about the present, and just the feeling his presence elicits in my heart. my God is Real. i wish i could tell you what he told me so we can all go WHOAAA together when it really happens, but i'm not going to. it is not something you spread around, but something for me to treasure in my heart, something for me to look forward to, something to make me love and experience and appreciate the omnipotence of God more. God is so good.
assassins day 4: tried to stalk aaron to his hum section, but i failed cuz i waited outside but it turned out he wasnt in that class. but then when i went to lunch, he was there getting food, but you cant tag people waiting in line for food so i waited behind the screen til he came out and i finally killed him, yesss. and then i got my 4th target the same day cuz she was easy even tho i've never seen her in my life before. she didnt care about the game and i caught her in plaza too. i heard from whom i think is my predator that my 5th target isnt that into the game either, but i heard from other people that she was, i dunno. funny cuz right after i got the green slip from #4, i was reading the stories on the gotcha poster across the elevator and  laughing at what aaron wrote about his adventures of being my target (and i wrote a response haha), when #5 comes out from the elevator unprotected. IF ONLY I HAD BEEN MORE ON MY GUARD i woulda gotten her, but she saw me and dashed into her suite with her suitemates before i could react. unfortunately. but its ok, i will begin eating at distant cafe v more often to increase my chances of seeing her, as i heard that she works there.

1.13.2010

assassins day 3: today was quite an epic day. number one, i killed my ra by the following method: walked up the stairs on the other side of the building so i could walk by her room, saw that her door was open, pretended to be visiting neilsons suite, which is right next to it, and saw that she was inside as i walked by. so inside the suite, i thought about how i could get her to either come out or invite me in, cuz her room is safe for her unless she invites you in. so. i said neilson, i'm going out the other door and i'm gonna come around and knock on this door and pretend to wait. dont open it. i will chat with angie as i "wait." ok. so i tried to do that except he opened the door anyway. because his suitemates were getting anxious at the knocking, he said. so now i was right back in the same suite and nowhere closer to getting angie. except now i had half the suite hanging around seeing what was going on, and on my side. so we decided that i would go and ask angie a question about something. so we went and i was like hey angie, i was just wondering if you had any more of those scheduler thingys from the piece o' time event earlier this week? shes like oh yeah yeah, come on in, and turns around and starts digging in her drawers. so i killed her. AHAHAHHAHA i cant believe i killed her. now the whole floor knows cuz she put it on her fb status. and on the floor poster where you can write your stories. AND she gave me her boxers for friday's safety cuz she was like NO, IF MY KILLER DIES, THEN I DIED FOR NOTHING. yes friday's safety is to wear your underwear on the outside, which i wasnt gonna do. but now.... EXCITING EVENT NUMBER TWO: so i found out who my next target is, and after lunch, i just so happened to be standing by the stairs again, and i saw him come out of his suite and go towards the garbage chute. he didnt appear to have an i love argo 5 sign (the safety for today) so i started walking towards him. he came back around and started back towards his suite. i closed the gap and he got suspicious. so i jumped forward to tag him but he started running so i started chasing him but he was faster and i fell cuz i was running faster than was possible lol (and now i have a piece of the floor on my jeans, yes). since the building is arranged as a square around a courtyard, he ran around the entire building, and i yelled for my friends to block him from the other side cuz they were still by the stairs. but he just ran right through them and down the stairs. I WAS THISSSS CLOSE I'M SO MAD. and now he knows i'm after him so he's gonna avoid me. or be safe. i didnt get much work done today cuz i was scheming or fuming about aaron the whole time i wasnt in class. like i went into the common room to "do my chem" while watching his suite door. saw him come out and tried to kill him again but he had a sign. and then my little birdie told me he was going to karate at 6 and was currently suiting up, so i was like yes, maybe he wont have his sign. so i stood outside his suite door by the laundry, but i didnt have a good view of his door and i wasnt sure which stairs he would take. finally i decided that since he knows i'm after him, he's gonna go the way that doesnt go by my door. so i went downstairs and waited in ambush by the stairs/elevator. i waited for 15 min until 6pm but he never came, so i think either he got tipped off that i was there or he just happened to go the other way. i'm still so mad about losing him. AND i think i have a very good guess who is after me due to another little birdie and a random group of girls "walking by my suite" and coming in to say hi while i was "working" (working as a stalker more like) in the common room.
today i dominated the discussion in hum section. i am beginning to think that i like hum section (i'm such a traitor to myself). we talk about some difficult passages and concepts (difficult meaning troubling) and i def do not know the answers and sometimes i dont even know what i think about it. but i can introduce ideas that maybe a nonchristian wouldnt think of, or ideas that maybe a nonchristian wouldnt have enough background to think of. there are many things that i would like to say to defend God and to give others a little clearer of a glimpse of the real God that i dont say, because i dont want to dominate the discussion and i dont want to appear to think i know it all because i dont. i will leave some of the revelation of God to God himself. in the meantime i find it very interesting to discuss the real God with nonchristians. sometimes you cant even talk about the real God to christians because they have a rosy picture of him being love love love all love. thats not the real God. the real God is holy holy holy. for the most part, the discussion paints an accurate picture of God, so in many ways i think these nonchristians are getting a better picture of God than many christians already think they have, because we read the bible and talk about the difficult stuff in section, stuff that sometimes christians are afraid to talk about because it doesnt fit our preconceptions of who God is, that christians are afraid to investigate because we're secretly afraid that if we dig too deep we'll find something that will break down our faith. and yes it will break down our faith in what we thought was God but really isnt. how come God destroys all the canaanites? thats not very fair or moral, they say. and no, its not very fair or moral. i dont think God is a fair or moral God, but so many christians do, and so many nonchristians have the same false idea, but this class is breaking those lies down. God is just. the bible never says he's fair, but he's just for sure. and you cannot put God under the same moral standards as humans because he's God and not just a human. he creates life so he has the right to destroy it as well. and so many christians never dig as deep as to figure this out because they think they know it all. but that pretty image they have in their heads of what they think is God is not the living God. this class also makes everyone aware that this God is not one that you can easily fathom. in many ways he doesnt make sense to us, and this class highlights it so well because everyone puzzles over the same questions and nobody has answers. and nobody should have all the answers or our God is a manmade god.

on the other hand, i am looking forward to the time when God's love is highlighted in this class as well. God might be holy holy holy, but let's not forget that he's love too. that shall be next quarter when we read the new testament. or possibly sooner?


mental playlist: hallelujah (tenth avenue north)

1.12.2010

assassins day 2: it's called gotcha here. the game i mean. nothing much happened today. i carried a borrowed teddy bear in my pillowcase which still has its mysterious bloodstain on it. oh yes so i was walking back from class and my target came up from behind and started talking to me and nancy. but she was holding her stuffed animal in a pillowcase so i couldnt tag her. she told us she was going to a meeting and proceeded to head into the why not here lounge. hmmm... so i decided to come back in half an hour, hope the meeting was still happening, hope she let down her guard and put down her thing, and tag her. so i came back in half an hour with an entourage of people to seem normal, walked into the lounge and pretended to be normal, but she wasnt there. snooped around nearby while pretending to be normal but to no avail. i had waited too long before going back. i thought it'd be too suspicious if i came right back after leaving her... but yeah. i also find myself doing a variety of other stalkerish behavior such as counting windows to find out which one's hers and sitting in the hallway while talking on the phone so i can watch her door. i'm totally normal.

and then i played uno cuz my brain burned out and it felt like finals week.
assassins day 1: i wore a newspaper hat around campus all day, and tried not to laugh at myself the whole time. people looked at me funny lol. esp in my japanese tutorial, which is only like 10 ppl lol. also, i got my first target even tho i've never seen her in my life before, thanks to some awesome stalker skillz and secret informers. jk it wasnt that exciting, i just happened to be sitting in the hall with people who knew what she looked like as she walked by. and she happened to walk into my suite haha. but my next target is formidable prey. a very special person who is likely to be protected all day. i cannot reveal who it is on this public blog. yet. i need to set her up or something, which is possible due to the alliances i have already formed. mwahahaha this is war.

1.10.2010

my floor is playing assassins beginning at 12:01 am, monday, jan 11, which is in one hour and 6 min. so i deactivated my facebook. good luck getting in touch with me. email or cell.

today was so relaxing. :] tomorrow i will brace myself for hum and walking around in a hat all day due to assassins.


mental playlist: satisfy (tenth avenue north)
ps tenth avenue north contains half an azn and part of a native american.

1.09.2010

as annoying as this essay was to write, i have somehow managed to thoroughly convince myself that God in no way lied when he said that they would die on the day they ate of the fruit. in fact i have convinced myself better than before, somehow. in fact i am learning a lot just by reading what i wrote, which do not appear to be my own ideas anymore (credit to God... not some person who is helping me plagarize, lol). what a thoroughly depressing essay this is turning out to be, though. complete death as a result of one action. morbid as hell haha. literally. if i didnt already feel that life is meaningless outside of jesus, and if i didnt know jesus, i REALLY would find it meaningless now. who is the source of life and everything good? God. what is most damaged by their actions? their relationship with God, their father, the source of life and everything good. so what's left? some remnant of physical life. whats crucial to physical life? food and having babies. what becomes extremely difficult after the fall? obtaining food and having babies. and what happens after you struggle to eat and have babies in pain all your physical life? you die physically too. wonderful, i have successfully convinced you all of the meaninglessness of this life too. BUT NEVER FORGET JESUS, THE REVERSAL OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE FALL. haha God is too good. unfortunately i must leave jesus out of this essay and leave it unresolved. they will just have to seek the answer themselves.

1.08.2010

enough jawing about hum. im going to tough it out.

actually today wasnt so bad. we talked about God, not the background of the bible. which means we begin treating the bible as literature, which means we pretend its true. indeed, the prof gave a pretty good summary of God as portrayed in genesis, esp in contrast to other mesopotamian creation/garden/flood stories and their gods. it was very moving to be explicitly reminded of the characteristics of the God i love in a public research university lecture. haha i was like GOD, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU!!! which is pretty cool, haha. similar situation in section today. maybe this class wont be so bad?


mental playlist: hold my heart (tenth avenue north)

1.06.2010

i just read through the entire book of genesis in three days, including annotations. it's so interesting to read it all straight through, cuz you see how exactly God's promise to abraham is carried on through his descendants. it all ties together in a way that you dont really see when you read it over a period of weeks. and i actually decided i like the version we read for class better than niv, so maybe i'll just read the class version for devos instead of trying to figure out what niv is saying. its nrsv, new revised standard version.

on the one hand, i have so much to say in this essay that i really wanna write it. on the other hand, i dont feel like getting myself too heavily involved in controversial topics and i have no idea how i'm supposed to make this understandable and coherent and sense-ful to a nonchristian, without seeming too out-there.

i'm beginning to feel the sting of persecution a little in humanities. to make it short, i do not feel like my beliefs are respected. i dont care if we read it and remain silent about whether it's of divine origin or not, but i do not appreciate the professor going out of his way to say, by the way, please keep in mind that this is made by men. by the way, the bible HAS a history (but no, it's not really historically accurate). by the way, the bible has many many contradictions in it. yes, it puts doubts in my head, and those doubts probably will accumulate over the next three weeks, but it is definitely not what i learned about the accuracy of the bible from my humanities teacher last year, who, by the way, is also not christian in any sense of the word. therefore i doubt the truth of what the professor is telling me, but it does not mean that things he say don't carry any weight at all. also i think i found a content mistake in one of the things he gave us to read, so i doubt the accuracy of that also. BUT that does not prevent any of this from sinking into my head. i am not yet EATEN by doubts, but i have a good deal more of it floating around, going in all directions, directed at all things. many things i thought i knew, i dont know anymore. i used to believe in archeology and history and all that, and i dont know how much i still believe in them. i used to believe my professors, i dont know how much i still believe in them. i used to believe the bible was quite literal, but i dont know how literal i really think it is anymore. i used to believe the bible was word for word correct, but i dont know how to explain apparently discrepancies between geneologies anymore. or are those discrepancies even there, or are the annotations lying to me? i have no idea, but to some degree i can make it not matter. it does not jeopardize my faith in jesus or the truth of God's word. although i have heard of people who lose their faith from the hum series. or it can purify and strengthen my faith in the end. but i dunno, its only been 3 days and i already feel weakened. if this is what it does to the old testament, i dont know how i'm going to be able to read the new testament in hum 2. pray for  me. i think this quarter is going to be spiritually very eventful. more than just because humanities.


itunes: lift us up to fall (tenth avenue north)
20 hum discussion sections this quarter, one down, 19 to go. its gonna be tough. oh wait maybe itll be better after we finish with the bible in 3 weeks. it was God's blessing that i got put into the "God did not lie" group for the essay prompt. otherwise i would seriously... not be able to contribute at all. as it is, i dominated the discussion. they werent talking. but really, somehow i'm no where near as articulate when i'm in a group of strangers than when im with one person i know well. i could not defend my position as i would have liked, and as i will write in my essay. i am going to own this essay. too bad it's not graded.


mental playlist: to God alone (aaron shust) - that's my prayer.

1.04.2010

okay what the heck. i'm reading this new oxford annotated bible with the apocrypha and the footnotes are very interesting. i disagree with a good portion of it. i begin to see how reading the bible without considering it the Word of God is potentially poisonous. AND THE STUPID PROMPT FOR THE FIRST ESSAY.

"Genesis 3 introduces the serpent as 'more crafty than any other wild animal,' yet the snake only tells the truth to Eve, exposing God's lie about the tree of knowledge." Argue for or against this view.

wow. 1) i find it highly insulting to even suggest that God would lie. 2) the lie it is referring to is that adam would die when he ate it. well hello, he did die, even if it wasnt immediately. this is so obvious to me that i cannot begin to imagine why anyone would put such a noncontroversial topic as an essay prompt. but i suppose if you pretend "God" was the name of some man (which is apparently what we're doing here), this could be a controversial topic. i forgot how annoying it is to study the bible from people who don't believe in it.

i need to remember that i'm not just reading a text for class, but that this is God's word. its harder than it sounds.
first of all it feels like spring here. tshirt weather. very fun.

i am actually kind of looking forward to hum now cuz we get to read part of the old testament and sophocles. sounds very interesting. and i'm supposed to finish reading the book of genesis by friday. well i was reading genesis over break anyway haha. ahead already. the writing sounds a bit intimidating tho. but i think i'll enjoy the reading. we're reading out of the new revised standard version which, imo, is similar to nlt in terms of understandability. i can speed read. :]

the reputation of my current chem prof is far lower than that of dr hoeger from last quarter, but i think i like him better actually. he focuses so much more on fundamental concepts. he didnt introduce himself or do greensheet or anything, he just started lecturing. it was disorganized, sure, but he truly does know chem very well. i dunno i feel like with him, i will understand. with hoeger, i feel like i only got a surface understanding. and yes, he kind of did assume that we had a strong background in calc and physics, which many of us dont, and somehow he managed to speak very advanced stuff while emphasizing fundamental concepts. and it was hard to understand at points, but it was ok. a little like stark + birdsong in one. a little like when they start talking about stuff they know is over your head, outside of the curriculum. a little like when i get a taste of quantum physics/astrophysics. apparently we're going over chapters 12 and 13 again. i guess that gives us an advantage cuz we did up to chapter 14 last quarter? i will probably get owned anyway, but i think i will thoroughly enjoy this class. just like physics honors with birdsong, but this goes far deeper. he was talking about mixing gases and how that affects the variables and degrees of freedom and somehow he managed to simultaneously talk about index of refraction!!! amazing. i was so excited when he did that. this guy knows what he's talking about, and he talks to us like we're chemists.