assassins day 5: not much happened all day. didnt try to do much. but i did wear angie's boxers with nancy's tights lol. good thing cuz my killer is in my hum section, i am 90% sure. that is, nothing much happened until just now. i was doing japanese or something and the spirit of God called me in such an irresistible manner. i had to stop and heed his call. and he told me many things, including some very strange things that i wasnt sure was really him. i really thought i was making it up. i thought i was coming up with what i wanted to hear and putting it in the mouth of God. i thought i'd just had too much tea and was sleepy and dreaming. but in case it really was him, i didnt want to write it off. so i said, can i ask for a sign, God? he said sure. i said ok, this is going to break up all my illusions of God talking to me and make me realize i was just dreaming. i said, God, the next time i go outside, let me meet lauren and kill her. this was highly unlikely as i heard she's not around very much and what are the chances of both of us walking through the hall at the same time, right? how trivial of a thing, but why not. so i braced myself for my "revelation" to be shattered, and i prayed and worshipped some more because the spirit of God was on me in such a powerful manner. irresistible is the word. if i went out right then, i dont think i coulda functioned enough to recognize people and talk to them. and then God showed me that lylan would be supporting me as i killed lauren. i was like oh what bs, cuz i thought i was dreaming again. and then lylan really came in my door. well that gave me a little jolt, and a little faith that i really would meet lauren as i walked out, and everything i heard was truly from God. so i stood up and announced i was going out to kill lauren. nancy and lylan looked at me like i was crazy. do you have a plan? no. what are you gonna do? i dunno. ... but by that point i had complete faith that i really would see her. it must have seemed very dubious when i walked out. so i walked around the floor. stopped by the poster to read updated stories. heard the elevator ding at some lower floor and knew it was coming up. moved on to the next poster advertising a bonfire on jan 22 that i realized i might not be able to go to. heard the elevator ding again on this floor so i turned around and expected lauren to come out. and lauren really did come out. and i killed her. so that is how i killed my 5th target, which serves as a sign that that really was the spirit of God speaking to me and not the spirit of elena speaking to me. lauren gave me many tips about where to find my next target next week (cuz the game is on pause during the weekend). not only tips, but plans and backup plans as well. yay lauren. :] so i walked back into my room/suite and showed the incredulous nancy and lylan my new target slip. nancy asked how it happened, but i was too scared to say it was God.
anyway. the point of that story was more to point toward God than to celebrate my 5th target. i still feel the residue of his presence making my fingers tingle and my heart warm. and boy, he's never spoken to me like he spoke to me tonight. it was so tangible, almost like speaking to a real person, except he didnt speak with words. and i didnt even seek him. and i am completely thoroughly in awe of him, of the things he told me about the future (dont ask; i wont say. it was a prophecy for me only), and the things he told me about the present, and just the feeling his presence elicits in my heart. my God is Real. i wish i could tell you what he told me so we can all go WHOAAA together when it really happens, but i'm not going to. it is not something you spread around, but something for me to treasure in my heart, something for me to look forward to, something to make me love and experience and appreciate the omnipotence of God more. God is so good.