yesterday was ash wednesday, and i went to an ash wednesday mass. it was really cool. it was really moving. whatever josh may say about catholics not really being saved, i believe they are my brothers and sisters in christ. everything the priest/whoever said is pretty much something you might hear from a pastor at a protestant evangelical church, jokes and all. they know who jesus is, and they worship him for real. they understand the theology. they're real, and God was there. they believe in the application of faith to life. and many of the passages they looked at, and many of the things the priest said were exactly things that we've been going over recently at harbor, little spark, and small group. the only difference is they like to dress up and use candles and stuff. and a few other small things. it was cool. i was gonna go back for good friday/easter, but i realized that that's at the end of spring break. but i also realized that i unknowingly booked my flight back to sd for the sat before easter, allowing me to go to church on easter sunday. otherwise, if i fly back on sunday, i wouldnt be able to go to church. and i was disappointed that i would have to leave early, but now i'm glad. God is at work, haha, he's cool.
anyway. so ash wed is the beginning of lent, which i wasnt planning on observing this year because i couldnt think of anything to lent, until i went to mass and God told me what he wanted me to give up. i am sorry if it seems like i am announcing that i am fasting, which matthew condemns. but i am not doing this to seem super pious. i am not portraying myself as a suffering saint. i want to share with you what i realized has extreme but subtle potential to become an idol for me and many others.
i'm fasting from playing piano and guitar. but it's such a good medium or worship, i said. i use it as a tool to glorify you, God. and i do, i really do. how am i supposed to worship you, i wont be able to worship you! but God wants me to learn to worship without playing music. but God, i have such emotional dependence on it, i'll go crazy if i dont play. (not kidding, i really dont function right without at least occasionally playing.) .................but that is exactly why he wants me to give it up. but God, what about spring break?????? what about it? .............
so to make that a little more coherent, despite my strong belief that music is a powerful facilitator and mode of worship (i mean really powerful), it also has great potential to become a god, due to our dependence on it. but it's so subtle because of the great tool it can be. it's just like food. food is a great facilitator of worship because it gives you strength to worship God and go about life and glorify him in everything. so why do people fast from food? so it's not a distraction, so when you feel the hunger you remember that God is the reason you're hungry, that he is worth more than food, that he is able to sustain you without food. so when i start getting a little spacey and depressed and not quite right, i'll remember that God is the reason i'm depriving myself, that he is worth more than music, that he can satisfy my emotional needs without music. i will seek him to satisfy me when i feel the hunger for music.
oh and also, i will attempt to fast from complaining as well. a lot of the time, i dont even mean it when i complain, so i dont know why i do it.