ah, these past two days was like high school again, studying between classes, doing hw in class and turning it in incomplete, and locking myself up to get. stuff. done. but i have advanced to the level of ditching class to get stuff done. woohoo. i'm a floppy fish now, i can't think anymore. its supposed to be party time cuz i'm done done done but i'm just blank now.


hello, world. a few things.

i got a c+ on my last hum paper. acceptable, but not what i'm used to, and i'm quite confused because i was most confident about this essay. maybe the argument was so clear and strong in my head that i failed to put it down on paper correctly. or else the ta is extremely inconsistent with her grading. for some reason, my paper was in the hum director's office this time, as a sample paper. interesting, i wonder if there's a correlation. or was it because this was written after i decided to spend as much time as i wanted to with God, regardless of workload? perhaps. if that was the case, then it was a worthy sacrifice. i dunno.

so according to operative learning, this means that i should:
1) begin papers later and write it more last minute
2) lock myself in clics for the two days straight before the paper is due
3) feel like i dont know what i'm writing

ta's seem to like that better.

the grade is not what is getting to me, but the inconsistency with my previous grades. this is seriously two letter grades away from the average, and one full letter grade below my lowest ever. i am confused as heck. sharon is going to ruin my gpa. that's ok, but why oh why did you have to begin by giving me a good grade on the first essay.

anyway. apparently she felt like i didn't answer the prompt. which i knew i was doing, but the prompt didn't make sense any other way. i thought it had a logical fallacy, and i still think it has a logical fallacy that makes it unprovable. i guess next time i'll just say so. 

other news. today is sungod festival. relient k (and others) will be at ucsd, and i will see them tonight. whooo. sounds like a party. sounds fun. also sounds scary. note to self: do not walk around alone tonight and lock your door when you get back and do not leave the room. i hope my suitemates go party elsewhere tonight. i do not want to deal with drunk people today.

yess.... i also just got cleared to take the equivalent of phys2b/2cl at foothill college this summer, even though i dont have the right prereqs. i guess i have something to do this summer, then. hopefully it's enough.

so yes. outside of school, it's been rough. that hum paper i just finished complaining about is not typical, and class has actually been really good for me lately. but it's been rough in other areas, but i'm hanging in there. i feel bad because sometimes i think my friends can tell that i'm not as nice as i usually am. i do not mean to be cold or unresponsive, but sometimes i feel like i am. or is it the other way, and i feel like they're being cold? or maybe i just dont like myself too much sometimes, so i'm cold to myself? i think i'm confused, somewhat. sorry also to people back home, the phone calls have gotten fewer and fewer, but i dont feel like i have the energy for it. two lives is just too much. i dunno, maybe i feel socially drained.