8.18.2010

悩み

the URL of this blog doesn't make sense. Only angiosperms have fruit. What am I thinking.

Anyway, there's been a lot on my mind lately. The word that comes to mind is 悩んでる。Troubled, but not in trouble. (More languages = wider range of expressive vocab!)

The Problem of Pain by CS Lewis has been very thought-provoking. It basically explores the question, if God is good, then why is there pain, or something like that. Anddd to make a long story short, basically he says that the primal sin of man is that of choosing self above God, which is not exactly the way things were meant to be (what's more important, the Creator or the created?). So anyway, I was thinking about how often I choose self above God... and it's like 99% of the time. No, I don't go about breaking the law. You could call me a Pharisee, kind of. I follow the law, for the most part. In the eyes of man, I come pretty close to blameless. But that darn primal sin nags at me and nags at me, and even though you can't tell from the outside, I know that 99% of the time I do things to please myself, because I am the center of my universe. Adam's sin is my sin. And your sin. In him all have sinned and all died. Anyhow, the dilemma that this raised was that I don't know what it means to have God constantly at the center. Is the Holy Spirit even working in me????

So I went on a walk and a large portion of Romans 7 and 8 (summary: I don't do what I want to do, but I do what I don't want to do... what a wretched man I am, who will save me? Jesus of course! ...There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...) kept running through my head. Except it was spotty, so I figured I should reread all of Romans and the answer would be in there somewhere. First, I was reminded that salvation is by faith and has nothing to do with how much you sin. Ok, fine, I know that I'm saved, I'm just wondering how come I still have so much sin if I'm supposed to be dead to it. And then... I almost expected this, but we talked about Romans 7 and 8 in Sunday School like 2 days later. To make a long story short (second try), we are to count ourselves dead to sin (Rom 6:11), but we are still putting to death the deeds of the body (Rom 8:13). Basically, your cancer is being removed, so you should start acting like a normal person again as a sign of faith that you are getting better, but at the same time, there are still lingering symptoms of the illness that we are still fighting. Kind of. The very fact that there is war being waged in my members indicates that the Spirit is at work putting to death the deeds of the body. I'm not completely rid of my sinful nature yet, but the struggle is on, and there will be a day when I'm completely sanctified. But until then... it's a struggle. If there's no struggle, then something is wrong. Check yourself.

The other thing is that I was suddenly notified that I had been chosen to serve on LS core team next year, and they were wondering if I would accept. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER when I was thinking about which direction I want to go this year. So it's in-reach or out-reach, and I would really like to take care of LS and pray for them and love them and wrap myself up in this family, but at the same time I don't want to wrap myself up in the Christian bubble. My heart is to build relationships with those who don't know him yet. But then, LS is very missions-minded and I'm sure I could do a lot with outreach as a group. But it's not the same as building relationships. Are the options even mutually exclusive?

...Among a plethora of other things on my mind. For example, Amazon just canceled my order for Thomas Hobbes' Leviathan due to lack of availability.

4 comments:

  1. http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/3207
    speaking of leviathan...

    ReplyDelete
  2. In Rom 7, Paul took his identity as a Jew, describing a situation that trying to follow the law but failing all the time. Whenever Christians do not take the identity of His beloved children, we are troubled. Don't go that route.

    Live/remain in Christ is a conscious choice all the time to take the right identity..

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  3. I don't think they're mutually exclusive. LS would most likely not take up every single day of your quarters. While it's great that we have the desire to build relationships with those who have yet to know Him, Christ still calls us to have strong relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ, because we belong to His body and are of one family. Two things come into my mind right now. While you lead LS, you can still join another club such a community service one and get to know people that way. Another one is do what Jake did in TSAL, go to the cafeteria with a group of people (maybe Neilson, Nancy, etc) and then ask those who sit alone to join you guys and get to know people that way. Especially with incoming freshman coming, that should be quite interesting. Anyway, those are my suggestions as a brother. Pray about it. Immanuel, God with us! :)

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  4. Hi Yuan!

    I've been thinking and praying about this for the past few days and even though I would love to help take care of the body, my heart is really in outreach to nonchristians by building personal relationships with them. And though this isn't necessarily mutually exclusive with serving on core, I know that leading a fellowship can be rather time-consuming. I came to college as a missionary and the last thing I want is to accidentally wrap myself in a Christian bubble.

    So I am turning down the oppurtunity to serve on core, but in its place I resolve to invest in and build healthy relationships with nonchristians for the purpose of sharing Christ with them through actions and words. And of course, I will continue to come to rally and small group for mutual encouragement and support. Please help keep me accountable.

    (You can share this email with the rest of core as you see fit.)

    --Elena

    ReplyDelete