6.19.2013

This week I begin a new chapter of my life. It's been an adventure the last four years and I've no doubt that the next few will be even more of an adventure. I've learned and grown so much in so many different ways - sometimes that means I know more and sometimes that means that I realize I know less than I thought I did. I'm a different person now than I was four years ago when I was a little pre-freshman, scared to leave everything I've ever known at home. I do believe I've learned something about biology and science since then, and I managed to step out of my commencement ceremony with a job in the UCSD School of Medicine Department of Reproductive Medicine while I'm waitlisted for Loma Linda University School of Medicine Class of 2017. How did this happen? All I did was love my life and my Lord. Proverbs 31:25 puts it nicely:

She can laugh at the days to come. 

I've come face to face with parts of myself, others, and the world that I frankly hate and I have come to the conclusion that life in this world is broken beyond repair, but the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is still somehow (I don't know how!) big enough to convince me that our God is GOOD, and I'm willing to die for that truth. And oh dear God there's a million things about myself that I would fix or even understand if I could, but I'm just so inscrutable to myself sometimes. Props to Neilson for chipping away at the block of wood that is me for so many years, trying to find whatever salvageable treasure might be inside but haha! I'm pretty sure it's impossible to find anything understandable in there, unless your name is God. There's only DNA and other types of code unreadable to the human mind, but I guess it is kind of fun to try to untangle that, huh? Thanks for four years of adventures, looking forward to many more with you.

Anyway, in the meantime I'll be working on figuring out exactly how males and females are sexually dimorphic in their brains and generally doing my part to keep the world spinning. One day I plan on getting out of mundane middle class life to save the world of TB, HIV, and cancer, but until then, I'm here!

3.26.2013

I'm starting a journey to know myself. I tend to focus on outside things in my life, and I don't pay much attention to what's going on inside myself. I'm starting to find I have a lot going on inside that I can't explain, either to myself or to others. And a lot that I don't want to explain. I also tend to live almost entirely in the present, and there seem to be some gaping holes in my memory. Like I don't know where I came from. I suspect the answer to the first question lies in the second. So I'm determined to find out who I am by understanding where I came from with the help of every written record of my past that I can possibly dig up. I'm scared of what I will find, but I need to know. Christ is my anchor and I will not get lost.