Ok, everyone always told me Cupertino was a bubble. Academic bubble, socioeconomic bubble, Asian bubble, safe bubble... no one ever told me it was a bubble of racial attitudes (and I don't just mean the stereotypes). Did you know that Jap is not a nice word? I didn't know until last night. I've used it for 6 years to refer to my Japanese class, and no one ever said anything. Either they don't care or they don't know. I am also not the only one to have used it that way. And a thousand other things that maybe I finally picked up weren't so nice later on... like the ghetto pronunciation of Negro. I first read it in Huckleberry Finn when I was in elementary school where it's used casually to refer to black people/slaves. The word sounds cute to me. It makes me think of little things. But then when we read Huck Finn in high school, my teacher wouldn't say it, and I didn't get it. It's because I've never heard that word used before, outside of that book. In any context. And you wouldn't know it for any derogatory term unless you heard it in context. Chinaman sounds like a man from China. Cracker sounds like a food. Jap sounds like an abbreviation of Japanese. It doesn't sound bad until you hear it in that context, and I've never heard them in that context (ok, I've heard "dirty Jap" before, but I thought it was the dirty part that made it not nice, not the Jap part). And I've never heard them in that context because Cupertino is a ... racial bubble? I dunno. Like I read a compilation of anecdotes of the experiences of Asians in America, from Berkeley students. They talked about getting made fun of for the way they talked when they were little. I was never made fun of. And no, I didn't know English when I started school. I talked to my friends in Chinese and got in trouble for not following directions I couldn't understand. But no ridicule from peers. And that wasn't even in California. But I guess not all places are like that. 

And sorry for throwing those not-nice words around, but please understand that I'm not calling anyone that. I think real racism should die. I understand the gross history of blacks and whites. I try to be sensitive to that, and now I'm trying to be sensitive to these things too. I'm just not really sometimes, because my environment didn't teach me to be. Which is good, I guess, because it means I've never seriously encountered it. Racism is at least dead in part of the world. Or maybe it's just me in that sheltered bubble and I'm just really completely oblivious to racism in Cupertino? No way. 

Making fun of (not in jest) an Asian is like making fun of a white person in my mind (which is like making fun of a black or Hispanic person, or whatever). I don't get it. I don't get the point. You wouldn't make fun of (not in jest) the majority because they're normal/standard/plain. And you wouldn't make fun of the minority because that's just picking on someone weaker and shows you're wayy too desperate for superiority you obviously don't already have. There's no one left. I don't get it. (But then, I also don't get why racial jokes are offensive. I think the blindfolding the Asian guy with dental floss thing is pretty funny but....) I know not everyone thinks like me, and I doubt anyone reading this is seriously racist, but racist people need to think with their heads about what they're doing. It's dumb. And everyone else needs to find security in their own identity and stop overreacting. Yes, Asians are (often) chinky, and it's beautiful. And yes, we are men from China. 

(Ok, Monta Vistans like to make fun of Asians and whites. But not for serious. Only because we love them and we are them. Asian pride forever V)

Which reminds me, reading about people losing their home languages due to everyone else speaking English is starting to make me think that diversity may not be the best thing for society. It makes everyone the same. The only reason everyone speaks English is because everyone has a different home language. The only reason I'm losing my Chinese here at SD is because not enough people around me speak it. The people I hang out with are too linguistically diverse. Everyone's forced to speak English. You need those ethnic enclaves to keep languages and cultures alive. Mingling between different enclaves would be nice, but completely mixing them up is just destroying diversity. Forget melting pot. Forget even salad. I'm thinking different side dishes separate but touching and on the same plate. How else is the bok choy going to retain its flavor, unless it has the other bok choy to remind it of what it is, and to lend it their flavor when it starts to lose it?

Day 19: The first song alphabetically in your iPod/iTunes

Matt Maher

Day 18: A song you love but rarely listen to

I like the theme at ~1:30.

Day 17: A song that makes you want to dance

Sorry, but bhangra music is the only music that makes me want to dance. Too bad I don't know how.


Heeeecka catchier than hiphop. I miss it a lot because apparently no one outside of the Fremont Union High School District knows what it is.

Day 16: A song that has made you cry

The first time I saw the title, I was like... God doesn't run from anything. He's God. Oh, but he runs to us. That's beautiful. 




There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, 'Father, I want right now what's coming to me.'


So the father divided the property between them. It wasn't long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any.


That brought him to his senses. He said, 'All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I'm going back to my father. I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.' He got right up and went home to his father.


When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'


But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!' And they began to have a wonderful time.


All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound.'


The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!'


His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'




Many people read this and they're like, oh, the younger son is obviously the born-again Christian, and the older son is the self-righteous Pharisee-not-me. But I've always identified with the older son more. Second childs are troublesome. Why can't you just sit down and behave yourself, I think. Why is it so hard for you to just obey the rules. What's the point of rebelling, you're making life difficult for everyone. I am the Pharisee. The older son never physically left, but his heart was just as far away as the younger son's was. And it's equally beautiful when he finally realizes and comes home, too. And I swear, the church is more full of older sons today than younger sons. The tragedy is that they don't know it. I was one. Let's not forget about the older sons, eh? Pharisees can be redeemed, too. 

Day 15: A song you love singing along to

It's just fun.

Day 14: A song that reminds you of your boyfriend/girlfriend

Because he sang it with a small a capella group at his church and a video of it ended up on facebook and I ended up liking the song a lot.

Day 13: A song that reminds you of a former friend

(only the first 3 min)
Ok super random... but when I was in 3rd grade, some kid in my class named Kasper rapped part of the chorus, and then I forgot about it. I did not hear it for the next 11 years. A month or two ago, I was sitting outside Foodworx doing my stuff, and this song played on the radio. And I remembered Kasper. When I hear that part of the chorus, I still see him rapping it, and then stopping and saying, What, you don't know that song? I have no idea what happened to Kasper because he moved at the end of that year.

In other news, loner marathon studying is killing me. I really miss those days of studying with my chem honors buddies. That was stressful too, but at least it wasn't depressing.

Day 12: The last song you heard

On Donald's Facebook. Pretty cool, eh?

Day 11: A song on the soundtrack of your favorite movie

From the Return of the King of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Of course. Because Sam is a hero and saves not only the world, but Frodo too, even after Frodo rejects him, and he's so self-sacrificing in his undying love and loyalty to Frodo, who bears the burden of the world!! I've heard that we all need a Sam in our lives... how about if we all try to be a Sam to someone?

Ironically this song is played during the credits of the movie.

Day 10: A song by your favorite band

So beautiful.

Day 9: A song that makes you hopeful

Ahhh, the day I was waiting for. I've been waiting to share this amazing song. :]

Day 8: A song that reminds you of your "first love"

Ignoring the fact that "first love" is a collocation... I take "first" to mean first in priority, not first in time. :]

Day 7: A song that reminds you of the past summer

I will shut up and try not to complain too much about my schedule cuz there's nothing to be done by complaining. Some good news is that I'm actually liking my metabolic biochem class. Some other good news is that I have MWF very free. Some more good news is that I love the weather today.


Ummm I didn't have a very memorable summer, but this song because one day during my physics class, my professor started rapping the beginning of this song when talking about waking up in the morning.

Day 6: A song that reminds you of a best friend

From Erica, lol. It's catchy sounding until she starts saying "US boy"? haha.

In other news, I have no idea how I'm going to survive having a schedule like this because those night classes on Tu/Th kill my brain and I don't have brains to do anything at night... and a lot needs to be done.

Day 5: A song that is often stuck in your head

So first of all, I'm starting to get nervous for this quarter. I need to stop psyching myself out. I have this hum reading due tomorrow. On Liberty, John Stuart Mill. It's a 100 page book, so dense and packed with political theory that it reminds me of Hobbes' Leviathan. Except 5 times shorter, thank God. So I read 25 pages in 2 hours. I'm normally a decently fast reader. This makes me nervous. I need to calm down. So I decided not to read over dinner because I needed a break, so I turned on my ipod and switched to the Christian playlist. The first song? Elise, the one that I listed in the last post as one that calms me. I don't even know why it's on that playlist, but haha, God knew that I needed to calm down. ...That is all.

Day 5: a song that is often stuck in your head.
I have phases and it switches around, but here's one that's been recent, maybe because the last week of last quarter, I wanted to hear it on a whim, and then I wanted to play it, so I've had a webpage with the chords open in my browser for a while, and every time I see the title, it starts playing in my head again.

Day 4: A song that calms you down

Ochem C counts as a bio elective. Interesting.

Rob Loomis: "Elise"
His style reminds me of my own and I find my own playing very therapeutic. Transitive property. Although it's richer to play it AND hear it than to just play it. 

Day 3: A song that reminds you of one/both of your parents

Day 2: A song that reminds you of your most recent ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. Not exactly applicable. You know when you press the skip button on your music player or whatever you use? *skip*


Day 3: A song that reminds you of one/both of your parents

I like this song. The lyrics are often exactly what I want to say, in the right language. Prayers in my heart seem more genuine and intimate when they're in Chinese (well, Chinglish). And I know this song because of my mom. 


Lord, You are my most understanding friend,
Lord, You are my dearest companion.
You are always on my mind, every day,
I long to see Your face.
At every stage of my life,
During each little pause in my life,
Your hand is always holding me,
Keeping me by Your side,
Telling me the path which I should take,
That I might not slide towards death!
How long, how wide, how deep and high is Your love!
From the depths of my heart, I am in awe!
With You, I need nothing else!
My heart is joined to Yours!
I have vowed to follow You and never change my mind!

Day 1: A song from your childhood

...from graceypoo. We'll see how long this lasts.

Day 1: A song from your childhood.

Every single week at church for offering when I was in elementary school... was this song. I still play it when I play piano for the kids, haha. Nothing's changed at all...

Well that was interesting

I did not mean to make such a big stir with the last post. I expected some misunderstandings, but not to this extent. Amazing how people misunderstand and get worked up over things I didn't even say. But I guess it's not completely there fault, because my hook ("it was partly my fault") was maybe a little too effective. I didn't mean it literally, sorry guys. Funny how what upset me most was the possibility that maybe I was getting all this crap for actually doing something wrong in God's eyes, rather than doing something right and being misunderstood/offending others. I am ok with being misunderstood and while I don't like offending people, I can't help it if they don't like what I believe. Or what they think I believe. I don't expect everyone to understand. I can take the crap. But for a moment I really thought I was going crazy because when I went back and read it, it seemed to be perfectly normal reasoning and not extraordinarily radical or offensive or theologically incorrect. I still don't think it's offensive if understood properly (which many fail to). And I'm pretty sure it's not theologically incorrect. But I guess it might be considered radical. What a difference between how Christians see the world and how others see the world. I was expecting a mostly Christian audience so I didn't bother to explain some background things that I probably should have. Sorry, nonchristian cyberspace community. That was my bad. Please read my explanations in the comments and on Facebook if you haven't already. It might make you feel better if I offended you.

So yes, even though I had a pretty rough weekend for it, I feel so much more complete now for having been through all that. I actually understand what Jesus/Paul mean when they talk about the "present sufferings" and "sharing in Christ's sufferings" and stuff. AND "the apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name." I'm not sure I'm jumping for joy yet, but I guess it is pretty cool to suffer for Jesus' sake. That is the one thing most worth suffering for.