The Man upstairs is taking care of me. :] I randomly met a believing girl and her mom a couple of days ago and hopefully I'll be go to a gathering of sorts this weekend, if you know what I mean. I almost can't believe it but I should have expected it. He is so so so faithful. He answered so fast. Thanks to everyone who yarped (supplicated, that is) with and for me. Wahhh I really almost can't believe this is happening. He is so good to me. Hopefully this will work out. Please continue yarping for this, as well as the other things.

 

In other news, all I've done so far, pretty much, is sit around and read when I'm not out eating wonderfully fattening food virtually every meal. It's getting to be a bit much. People familiar with my eating habits know that I sometimes have raw fruit and veggie cravings. I realized it's my body needing a detox. It often happens after I eat a substantial amount of meat or greasy stuff. I am having it so bad right now. For lunch today we had this exquisite ... banquet... with the president of the university -- multicourse and red wine and the whole deal. Even an automatic lazy susan. But right now I want nothing more than raw spinach and fruit. Too bad raw food isn't real safe here. To mention nothing of sitting around all day. I can literally see myself getting fat. I want to go out and do something but it's raining like a flood outside. Literally. China is flooding. Hope this lets up soon and doesn't do too much damage. Hope the university figures out soon what they want to do with me. Talk about procrastinators.

 

Oh the other exciting thing is that I find myself randomly lapsing into speaking the local dialect that I didn't know I could speak. I guess when someone talks to you in a language enough, it makes you want to answer in it or something. I think it's messing with my Mandarin because I'm having a hard time controlling when I lapse. I think I just might come home speaking another language. Whoever said this trip would improve my Mandarin... lol.

I am not sure if this blogging by email business is going to work, partly because I'm not sure I have the right destination address memorized. If this actually shows up as a post, someone please comment on it so I know that it's working. Otherwise, I will assume that it doesn't work, and you will not hear from me again.

 

Anyway, China's really different from North America. I was surprised that Shanghai had all signs in Chinese AND English, but I think that's because of the recent World Expo. We were sitting in a restaurant and my uncle who lives in Vancouver was joking that there's more white people in Shanghai than there are in Vancouver. It's exaggerated, but at that moment, it was true that there was more white people in that restaurant (legit, btw) than I've ever seen in any Chinese restaurant in my life.

 

And then I took the high-speed train to Wuhan, and that was really culture shock because we passed about 5 hours worth of Asian countryside. I realized that I've never seen Asian countryside before, except in pictures and videos. It looks like... the stuff of pictures and videos. I always thought that fields were planted in squares like 田. I guess they're not. They apparently follow the contour of the land and it makes them look messy.

 

Enough of my countryside ignorance. There's some things you people should know. 9 out of 10 people who hear I'm going to Wuhan have never heard of it. And then I think they start imagining it as a village, because it's not Beijing or Shanghai. This is comparable to me telling a Chinese person that I go to school in San Diego, and them thinking that it's an obscure town because it's not New York or Los Angeles, the only two American cities they know. Wuhan is the fifth or sixth largest city in China. Thank you for your willingness to be taught. I find it insulting that people would think it's a village and ask if I would have internet.

 

Ok that's all I have time for now, but more later. If this works, that is. Remember, kids, leave me comments for more posts. :]

Day 23: A song that you cannot stand to listen to

Sorry, I'm skipping Day 22: A song that someone has sung to you, because I've never really had that. I can't remember what those singing valentine people sang to me, and I've had friends sing songs to me to show me what they sound like, but... nah.



Look, is this not the most obnoxious song ever?? It's even worse with the music video. -_- I thought I should check to make sure there's no gross things in the music video, but I had to mute my computer to watch it. Soooo obnoxious.

Day 21: Your favorite song

Carol Ann (Michael W. Smith). Sorry the sound quality isn't the best on this one.

Day 20: The last song alphabetically on your iPod/iTunes

It's the 12 variations of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Except I have it by a different pianist -- Jeno Jando

Nietzsche was right (for once)...

...Christians are nihilistic*. Kind of. He only thinks so because he thinks the whole afterlife business is anti-reality. If that's true, then Christians are freaking nihilistic. Even Paul says so: "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied." 1 Cor 15:19. ...most to be pitied because we threw this life away for nothing. If I didn't think there was something more beyond this life, I should just die now because what's the point? Or I can enjoy this life and then die. Either way, I would not waste my time trying to find or fulfill a purpose in life because if that purpose is going to die with me, then it's not a purpose. Or waste my time trying to find my true self because that's going to die too. Or making up my own rules and being my own god because if I'm going to die anyway, any values I create would be so baseless. If I didn't think there was something more, I would be so nihilistic. Nietzsche obviously thinks I am nihilistic because he thinks the afterlife part is pure delusion and it appears to him that I'm apathetic to this life because I have my eyes set on the beyond. So to him, I would be nihilistic. However, there is a balance because even though I think this life has no worth in itself, I believe that what I do in this life will affect my eternity. So this life does matter, but only because it affects the next. There you go. I'm studying hum. 

*Nihilism: Apathy toward life, because all values are baseless. 

IT'S FINALLY OVER but omg it's ending too fast. Man, the whole quarter I couldn't wait for it to be over, but it's coming upon me too fast, and I'm not ready for it! Just when I started to get used to that darn schedule too. I feel like being out of country is like leaving the world. Some things I just can't do when I've disappeared from the world. So I need to figure them out before I leave. At least there's email and I won't be completely cut off. But darn there's not enough time. Here's the schedule for the next week and a bit:
Fri: figure out hum in-class essays + play appointments. LS end-of-the-year party is formal this year. lol.
Sat: prep hum in-class essays + cram ochem
Sun: God (NO PUN INTENDED. THAT DOES NOT SAY SUNGOD), chill
Mon: cram ochem
Tue: cram ochem. take hum and ochem finals. celebrate.
Wed: cram metabolics
Thur: cram metabolics. take metabolics final
Fri: pack everything
Sat: go home

Tell me if that's not cramped. I need to figure out how to get myself to the airport and my stuff to my Jason's. First finals week that involves serious studying! Ever! This is sad.

Ok, everyone always told me Cupertino was a bubble. Academic bubble, socioeconomic bubble, Asian bubble, safe bubble... no one ever told me it was a bubble of racial attitudes (and I don't just mean the stereotypes). Did you know that Jap is not a nice word? I didn't know until last night. I've used it for 6 years to refer to my Japanese class, and no one ever said anything. Either they don't care or they don't know. I am also not the only one to have used it that way. And a thousand other things that maybe I finally picked up weren't so nice later on... like the ghetto pronunciation of Negro. I first read it in Huckleberry Finn when I was in elementary school where it's used casually to refer to black people/slaves. The word sounds cute to me. It makes me think of little things. But then when we read Huck Finn in high school, my teacher wouldn't say it, and I didn't get it. It's because I've never heard that word used before, outside of that book. In any context. And you wouldn't know it for any derogatory term unless you heard it in context. Chinaman sounds like a man from China. Cracker sounds like a food. Jap sounds like an abbreviation of Japanese. It doesn't sound bad until you hear it in that context, and I've never heard them in that context (ok, I've heard "dirty Jap" before, but I thought it was the dirty part that made it not nice, not the Jap part). And I've never heard them in that context because Cupertino is a ... racial bubble? I dunno. Like I read a compilation of anecdotes of the experiences of Asians in America, from Berkeley students. They talked about getting made fun of for the way they talked when they were little. I was never made fun of. And no, I didn't know English when I started school. I talked to my friends in Chinese and got in trouble for not following directions I couldn't understand. But no ridicule from peers. And that wasn't even in California. But I guess not all places are like that. 

And sorry for throwing those not-nice words around, but please understand that I'm not calling anyone that. I think real racism should die. I understand the gross history of blacks and whites. I try to be sensitive to that, and now I'm trying to be sensitive to these things too. I'm just not really sometimes, because my environment didn't teach me to be. Which is good, I guess, because it means I've never seriously encountered it. Racism is at least dead in part of the world. Or maybe it's just me in that sheltered bubble and I'm just really completely oblivious to racism in Cupertino? No way. 

Making fun of (not in jest) an Asian is like making fun of a white person in my mind (which is like making fun of a black or Hispanic person, or whatever). I don't get it. I don't get the point. You wouldn't make fun of (not in jest) the majority because they're normal/standard/plain. And you wouldn't make fun of the minority because that's just picking on someone weaker and shows you're wayy too desperate for superiority you obviously don't already have. There's no one left. I don't get it. (But then, I also don't get why racial jokes are offensive. I think the blindfolding the Asian guy with dental floss thing is pretty funny but....) I know not everyone thinks like me, and I doubt anyone reading this is seriously racist, but racist people need to think with their heads about what they're doing. It's dumb. And everyone else needs to find security in their own identity and stop overreacting. Yes, Asians are (often) chinky, and it's beautiful. And yes, we are men from China. 

(Ok, Monta Vistans like to make fun of Asians and whites. But not for serious. Only because we love them and we are them. Asian pride forever V)

Which reminds me, reading about people losing their home languages due to everyone else speaking English is starting to make me think that diversity may not be the best thing for society. It makes everyone the same. The only reason everyone speaks English is because everyone has a different home language. The only reason I'm losing my Chinese here at SD is because not enough people around me speak it. The people I hang out with are too linguistically diverse. Everyone's forced to speak English. You need those ethnic enclaves to keep languages and cultures alive. Mingling between different enclaves would be nice, but completely mixing them up is just destroying diversity. Forget melting pot. Forget even salad. I'm thinking different side dishes separate but touching and on the same plate. How else is the bok choy going to retain its flavor, unless it has the other bok choy to remind it of what it is, and to lend it their flavor when it starts to lose it?

Day 19: The first song alphabetically in your iPod/iTunes

Matt Maher

Day 18: A song you love but rarely listen to

I like the theme at ~1:30.

Day 17: A song that makes you want to dance

Sorry, but bhangra music is the only music that makes me want to dance. Too bad I don't know how.


Heeeecka catchier than hiphop. I miss it a lot because apparently no one outside of the Fremont Union High School District knows what it is.

Day 16: A song that has made you cry

The first time I saw the title, I was like... God doesn't run from anything. He's God. Oh, but he runs to us. That's beautiful. 




There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, 'Father, I want right now what's coming to me.'


So the father divided the property between them. It wasn't long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any.


That brought him to his senses. He said, 'All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I'm going back to my father. I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.' He got right up and went home to his father.


When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'


But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!' And they began to have a wonderful time.


All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound.'


The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!'


His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'




Many people read this and they're like, oh, the younger son is obviously the born-again Christian, and the older son is the self-righteous Pharisee-not-me. But I've always identified with the older son more. Second childs are troublesome. Why can't you just sit down and behave yourself, I think. Why is it so hard for you to just obey the rules. What's the point of rebelling, you're making life difficult for everyone. I am the Pharisee. The older son never physically left, but his heart was just as far away as the younger son's was. And it's equally beautiful when he finally realizes and comes home, too. And I swear, the church is more full of older sons today than younger sons. The tragedy is that they don't know it. I was one. Let's not forget about the older sons, eh? Pharisees can be redeemed, too. 

Day 15: A song you love singing along to

It's just fun.

Day 14: A song that reminds you of your boyfriend/girlfriend

Because he sang it with a small a capella group at his church and a video of it ended up on facebook and I ended up liking the song a lot.

Day 13: A song that reminds you of a former friend

(only the first 3 min)
Ok super random... but when I was in 3rd grade, some kid in my class named Kasper rapped part of the chorus, and then I forgot about it. I did not hear it for the next 11 years. A month or two ago, I was sitting outside Foodworx doing my stuff, and this song played on the radio. And I remembered Kasper. When I hear that part of the chorus, I still see him rapping it, and then stopping and saying, What, you don't know that song? I have no idea what happened to Kasper because he moved at the end of that year.

In other news, loner marathon studying is killing me. I really miss those days of studying with my chem honors buddies. That was stressful too, but at least it wasn't depressing.

Day 12: The last song you heard

On Donald's Facebook. Pretty cool, eh?

Day 11: A song on the soundtrack of your favorite movie

From the Return of the King of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Of course. Because Sam is a hero and saves not only the world, but Frodo too, even after Frodo rejects him, and he's so self-sacrificing in his undying love and loyalty to Frodo, who bears the burden of the world!! I've heard that we all need a Sam in our lives... how about if we all try to be a Sam to someone?

Ironically this song is played during the credits of the movie.

Day 10: A song by your favorite band

So beautiful.

Day 9: A song that makes you hopeful

Ahhh, the day I was waiting for. I've been waiting to share this amazing song. :]

Day 8: A song that reminds you of your "first love"

Ignoring the fact that "first love" is a collocation... I take "first" to mean first in priority, not first in time. :]